Sunday, January 10, 2010

Day 87 & 88

I am having some really tough times with depression lately. I think it is a mix of everything. I know that my husband leaves Monday for a month. I know that I didn't find a car in time so Rachelle and I are stuck. If she needs anything for school. Oh well I can't do anything about it and that bothers me. I have had to tell everyone not to mail anything because I can't check the mail. If its there past a week then it goes back to sender. It's the little things like that that are getting to me.

Yesterday I worked out.NOT. Rachelle had a friend spend the night and they took control of the TV Saturday until the girl got picked up. Then Chris got on and played X BOX. So me being as down as I am spent the entire day in bed. I got up and took a shower about 8 last night. I am going to have to make some ground rules. We are not used to sharing one TV so it has been interesting. Something has to give and buying another TV is not the answer. We already have more TV's then we need. Just none that work in Germany.

I talked to my cousin yesterday and it helped so much. Just talking to someone that doesn't judge you is so nice. I really felt better after getting of the phone with her. We usually just talk on MSN messenger but I am thinking I am going to have to bug her on the phone once a week. It might be the only way I make it through this journey right now.

She said I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The more that I read about it the more that I think she is right. I go through this every winter. I think that I am going to look into more. It makes sense and I can relate to all of it. I have to get it under control so that my husband doesn't hate me.

I really need to snap out of this. Whatever it is. I have goals for my weight loss and exercise and I am not doing as good as I know that I can. I deserve to give this my all. I am going to do more research & see what I can do. I have been taking vitamin D & it apparently is not working.

I worked out today. I really had to push myself to work out. I didn't do the 30 Day Shred like I wanted but I did do my Walk & Kick video. Which at this point is better then nothing, right?

The pictures of the beach & ocean make me smile. So I am changing my screen saver to a picture that will make me think of the warm sand between my toes, the sun shining down on me & hopefully since I turn on my computer first thing in the morning this will set a better mood!



6 comments:

dawne said...

Oh Sarah,
I am sorry you feel so crappy. It wouldn't surprise me if the weather is getting you down, not to mention cultural adjustment. People don't realize how much that affects you. Being left without a car is a big deal. It leaves you immobile. I'm praying for a miracle in terms of your transportation. It used to drive me nuts when my husband left the country we moved to for HIS job and left us THERE while he went somewhere else for work. Hugs.

Marcelle said...

So glad u had your cousin there for you - nothing better than someone who knows you well.

I have suffered from the winter blues for the last 5 years living here, but have made a big effort to pick myself up when it hits me as I know if i allow it to take over it will and then trying to get out is near impossible.

Its tough for you as its your first of many experiences at the moment, dont be so hard on yourself...you have every reason to feel down at this time. I would hate to be left alone in a strange country without my hubby for a month and I have been here 5 years already and can understand and speak the lingo in my own wonderful weird way, and its very weird.

I will call you tomorrow..while I make my soup and chat to you...take up some of your day.
Download Skype as we can web and chat while cooking etc how fun with that be...I can also give you a webcam training class..Yes I can.

Fran said...

Could very well be you're having the winter blues. Try to go outside as soon as the weather is better so you'll get a bit of daylight every day.

Can't your neighbours drive you somewhere if you really need too or don't you have contact with them.

I hope you feel better and more happy soon Sarah.

Tricia said...

Sorry youre feeling down.

:) We have lovely beaches 10 min away if you ever need a place to visit.

What a Splurge said...

That screensaver has to help. I'm feeling warm and toasty just looking at it!

Keep doing your workout videos. Exercise does wonders for the blues.

I enjoy your blog.

Lacey said...

Holy shit I am behind with this blog! YOU ARE A WRITING MACHINE!

It was really nice getting to talk to you too. Twice in one weekend! I need it as much as you do, you do realize I used to talk to you on the phone more than anyone else I know, lol. It SUCKS not being able to pick up the phone anytime I want and just chat. Bleh.

I'm diggin' the screen saver... You totally need to get some pillows that color or something to brighten up your place!