I am having some really tough times with depression lately. I think it is a mix of everything. I know that my husband leaves Monday for a month. I know that I didn't find a car in time so Rachelle and I are stuck. If she needs anything for school. Oh well I can't do anything about it and that bothers me. I have had to tell everyone not to mail anything because I can't check the mail. If its there past a week then it goes back to sender. It's the little things like that that are getting to me.
Yesterday I worked out.NOT. Rachelle had a friend spend the night and they took control of the TV Saturday until the girl got picked up. Then Chris got on and played X BOX. So me being as down as I am spent the entire day in bed. I got up and took a shower about 8 last night. I am going to have to make some ground rules. We are not used to sharing one TV so it has been interesting. Something has to give and buying another TV is not the answer. We already have more TV's then we need. Just none that work in Germany.
I talked to my cousin yesterday and it helped so much. Just talking to someone that doesn't judge you is so nice. I really felt better after getting of the phone with her. We usually just talk on MSN messenger but I am thinking I am going to have to bug her on the phone once a week. It might be the only way I make it through this journey right now.
She said I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The more that I read about it the more that I think she is right. I go through this every winter. I think that I am going to look into more. It makes sense and I can relate to all of it. I have to get it under control so that my husband doesn't hate me.
I really need to snap out of this. Whatever it is. I have goals for my weight loss and exercise and I am not doing as good as I know that I can. I deserve to give this my all. I am going to do more research & see what I can do. I have been taking vitamin D & it apparently is not working.
I worked out today. I really had to push myself to work out. I didn't do the 30 Day Shred like I wanted but I did do my Walk & Kick video. Which at this point is better then nothing, right?
The pictures of the beach & ocean make me smile. So I am changing my screen saver to a picture that will make me think of the warm sand between my toes, the sun shining down on me & hopefully since I turn on my computer first thing in the morning this will set a better mood!