Saturday, January 30, 2010

Day 108

It is cold here and the snow won't starts falling then stops then starts. I really feel like I am at home (weather wise). I am start to feel a little depressed. Chris dropped his phone in the toilet Thursday and I haven't heard from him. He emailed me to tell me that he responded to my text about my weight loss for the week and dropped the phone. I kinda feel like it is my fault.

I had posted this on my other blog but I bought myself a blender since he is away and can't tell me no. Not that he would but just in case. I need it to make my salsa and smoothies.
I really hate buying something that I already have but when the plugs don't match what can you do.

On another note remember how I feel about shoveling all of the snow? Well it isn't my turn but look what a great job the neighbors have done.

Did you hear the sarcasm in my voice?? All they shoveled was walk way. I'm not going to worry about is. In fact I might not even shovel until Chris comes home and I will only shovel our garage area. Here I was shoveling everything like an idiot. Thank goodness it is great exercise.

Today I sat in the food court at the PX and ate nothing!!! It smelled so good but I knew I shouldn't so I didn't.

"Don't you get it? This very second you could be doing something you love and dream about doing. So do it! NOW!" -Unknown

Friday, January 29, 2010

Day 107

Time once again to do an update on my Perfect 10. I really can't believe how fast time is going which only makes me happier that I haven't put this journey off anymore.

Work out at least 6 days a week... I did 6 days this week! Though now that I am going to the gym I might go back down to 5. We will see.

* Do 30 push ups a day & sit up's (yes they will be girly push ups)... Not doing these. Really have spaced them out of my mind. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can remind myself?

* Eat fruit & veggies everyday... I am still doing good here. I thought that I might have some issues with Chris being gone because I am not cooking anymore but I am still getting everything in!

* Drink at least 48oz. of WATER a day...Totally knocking this one out of the water(haha). I am drinking more then 48oz a day! I guess when you really aren't that into tea or coffee you don't have any other choice!

*Workout twice a day... Not happening and I really don't see it happening. When I first made this up I had no way to get to the gym and after talking to Marcelle and going to the gym with her I realized that I needed to do 2 videos a day to do anything. Now I am going to the gym. Pushing myself and I have no desire right now to do them as my second workout.

Something that you may not know about me is do not like chocolate & most sweets. I can pass them up any day of the week. They have never been a weakness for me. In fact I have only tried Butterfingers, Paydays, Reese's, Skor & M &M'S(of course only the peanut butter and peanut ones). Swear on everything I have never tried any other candy bars. Most look utterly disgusting. Eatting a candy bar takes me forever because it is to sweet. As for all the other sweets. I only like certain Jolly Ranchers & Watermelon Sour Patch.So I am thinking my problem with weight is portion size.

"Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -Dr. Samuel Johnson

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Day 106 -Weigh In

The funny thing about today was that I had prepared myself for no loss this week. I figured that I had just started the gym on Monday and I knew that the odds of losing anything with the luck that I have been having was slim. I thought maybe cutting out diet soda would help. So before I got on the scale I talked myself into being OK with no or very little loss. Well I am down 2.1 pounds. Who would of thought! I am so happy!

I have noticed that I am trying to eat EVEN BETTER since going to the gym because I feel like I put more effort into the gym. Was supposed to do Zumba today but wasn't able to get there. I did 2 mile walk instead. Tomorrow (if the snow stops) I will do the treadmill and whatever I feel like after that.

I am getting in more water a day then I originally planned to drink. I think its because all I drink now. I also bought some green chili today to add to my food to give it a kick. I am thinking about making a potato for dinner and putting that on there instead of butter! I tried a new Lean Cuisine pizza last night. Let me tell you I saw the words bacon & alfrado and I had to have it. It's 7 points for Weight Watchers. It was OK. Not great but something different. The only other two choices I have are Spinach & Mushroom & of course a Pepperoni.

I am finally excited to be feeling like I am getting somewhere and hopefully hitting my goal by this summer. I really want to enjoy Germany & be in pictures with my husband and not feel or look bigger then him. I think this is going to help us out. Hopefully when he comes home next month he will notice a difference but he will only of been gone a month and he is a guy so I won't get my hopes up.

"Your ideas are like diamonds... without the refining process, they are just a dirty rock, but by cutting away the impurities, they become priceless." -Paul Kearly

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Day 105

So far since I have started my goal of drinking more water I haven't really had an issue until today. This morning I got up and it said -17. I am freezing and I have had more coffee today then I have ever had. I will drink all my water. It is just taking me forever today.

Went to Zumba today. I love it!! I could do it everyday and I would be in heaven. My legs are sore and my butt hurts but that means that it is working, right? Can't wait until tomorrows class. Then Friday is the treadmill. How boring, huh.

We went to sit in the sauna after class today

OK I am not really sure what is proper in a sauna because the only one I have been in has been in 24 Hour Fitness but we walked in today and a woman was laying there naked as a jay bird with everything out. Nothing on top of her or anything. I have no problem with that but question is what is the etiquette of someone laying in there naked. Do we not go in? Can you still go in? Do you come in naked (which I will not do)? We left manly because we weren't expecting that. I should of know better. We are in Germany.

Tomorrow is weigh in and the scale still hasn't moved. It is so frustrating because I am eating the right amount of food,exercising & have cut soda out of my diet. I guess we will see tomorrow.

I really don't want to go back to where I was in January 2008. Crying in the closet because nothing fits and a refusal to shop in the women's size department. It was the worst day of my life and I think my husband saw finally how much I was unhappy with myself. I am so glad that I am getting this under control but if the scale doesn't move soon I might be crying again. This time I won't be in a closet because Germans don't have closets.

"The fastest way to pass your own expectations is to add passion to your labor" -Mike Litman

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Day 104

Today was great!!! I really don't even know where to begin. Just know that I loved today!

I went to Zumba today and well to be honest I have done nothing to date that has made me sweat, laugh and have so much fun. It was a blast and I know I looked like an idiot but if I ever am able to move the way the instructor does not only will I be in shape but my husband will be happy!! Class is Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and I am so there. My friend and I figure we will do the machines on Monday and Friday. 30 Day Shred has nothing on Zumba. Only problem is it makes me want chips & salsa. Every time I hear that kind of music I want Mexican food.

After class we went and sat in the sauna. I really feel like I did so much and actually gave it my all today. It was great! After we left the the gym her husband called and wanted us to met for lunch. I had a nacho supreme. I know after that class I shouldn't of but I was hungry and I have been craving Taco Bell so bad. Normally I would of ordered a value meal and broke down and had soda. Today it was a nacho supreme and water. I took my time, enjoyed it and was full. It was perfect.

I learned I can last a whole workout class even though I feel like I am going to die, I can eat at a fast food restaurant without needing to order a value meal and order a water instead of soda.

I am excited to see what this will do to the scale! Hopefully it will work in my favor but I really will put nothing past me & my luck lately with the scale.

This is what I saw today!!! Yup the sun for a little bit.

"To be a winner, all you have to give is all you have." -Unknown

Monday, January 25, 2010

Day 102 & 103

It seems like for the first time since I have moved here I actually got out and did something. Even with Chris being gone.

Saturday night I went bowling with the neighbor and her husband. I was prepared or so I thought. With everything closing earlier then in the states you can't always decide last minute like we did. I brought a water bottle so I wouldn't get soda ( which I am now 7 days free of) or beer. I drank the water but we were hungry and they of course had little choices. So I got the cheeseburger basket. I took the hamburger off the bun & added only mustard, lettuce and tomato. I didn't eat all the fries but did douse them in hot sauce. That is my new ketchup since it is calorie and fat free. It also gets the metabolism going (so I have heard). I put enough on there that the guys started staring but I love hot sauce and it is so much better then ketchup. I have found eating a burger with out the bun is better but I am not a big bread fan so that may be why.

Today I went to the gym!!! Yup, I was in heaven. It is big and nice granted I wouldn't mind a pool. They have a lot of classes. Some free and some not. It was so nice to get moving and do something different. I feel bad not finishing the 30 Day Shred but I will still do it. Right now I am happy for the change. The Army guys come in at 11:30 we found out today so needless to say we will make sure that we are done before them or go after there lunch because they are intimidating to say the least. The girl I am going with just had gastric bypass so she has to take it slow. Getting to the gym might not be a everyday thing right now (based on how she feels after every workout) but once I get a car it will for me!

I am also going to get my nails done and my eyebrows threaded before Chris comes home. I feel finally like this might be alright and I am starting to become myself again. Now all that is left is tanning! Oh and finding me an automatic car.

Since I actually had to put jeans on this weekend for those of you that don't know I have been stuck like Chuck for the last 6 months I noticed that I have gone from not wearing a belt to have to go to the 4th hole!!! I have also noticed my bones (up by neck) not sure what they are called but I am starting to see them. I guess I never realized that I don't really look in the mirror from day to day when I have no where to go. I am starting to see a change and if I keep getting to the gym I might hit my birthday goal!!

Sorry this post is in right and left field. I just had so much to say!

"It doesn't matter what you are thinking, or what fear you have, if you just do it! Action is the only thing that matters... I can see that at the end of my life, I am not going to look back and say, 'I wish I had taken more action." -Diana von Welanetz Wentworth

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Day 101

Last night I was on a cooking binge of muffins. I have no clue why. I made the Vitalicious 100 calorie blueberry muffins. Since I live in Germany I cannot get the muffins I have to buy the mix. For the price I wouldn't say that they were worth it. I payed $6.25 for the muffin mix & the shipping was even more. I had them shipped to my mom's in CO. Whatever though. I won't be buying them again. Maybe if they are still around when we PCS I will try the already made ones.

I also made some pumpkin muffins that were a Weight Watchers recipe and they were better. Now I have a crap load of muffins. Maybe I should of thought about that before I decided to cook last night.

I was also going through my night stand and I found a pic of me in a bikini. Interesting thing is I am covering my stomach up in that picture to and I was under 120.(you should remember this Lacey,it's from when we went to Mexico)

I have noticed that I always have had big thighs. Even when I was under weight. How that happens I have no clue. So wearing anything below a size 12 I am not ever really planning on. I think I was a size 10 here.

Rachelle wanted me to share her dessert from the other night with everyone. It's a banana with a little honey and so reduced fat whip cream!

Sorry for a bunch of pointless info. but with my husband gone I am not sleeping very well. I still have 20 some days to go.

"Winning is not a "sometime" thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all of the time. Winning is a habit, unfortunately, so is losing." -Vince Lombardi

Friday, January 22, 2010

Day 100

Her are my weekly updates!!

* Work out at least 6 days a week... I am getting better at this know that Chris is gone and I don't have to ask for the computer so yes I hit this goal this week!!

* Do 30 push ups a day & sit up's (yes they will be girly push ups)... Honestly. I forget about these unless I am doing the 30 Day Shred. I need to make myself a note from now on.

* Eat fruit & veggies everyday... No issues here. I have a banana every morning and always veggies with my dinner.

* Drink at least 48oz. of WATER a day... In the winter I find it hard to drink enough water...I have this one down!!! I am also on my 4th day of no soda!!

*Workout twice a day...Yeah to be honest. Not happening. I hate videos way to much. Hopefully will start going to the gym in February.

On fact that you may not know about me is I hate needles. With a passion. I can't even watch them put needles any anyone. Off that fact I have 4 piercings & 5 tattoos. One tattoo that took over 4 hours to do!!!

"Society may predict, but only I can determine my destiny."
-Clair Oliver

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day 99

OK so I am just going to get this over with. I gained. I gained .2 of a lb. Really what is that??? You think that I could of at least stayed the same but nope. It is .2 and I am being honest with myself. If I was at a Weight Watchers meeting it would be .2 of a gain. So I am taking it,knowing what I did wrong not to lose this week and hoping to get a better weigh in next Thursday.

I have been craving juice but I refuse to drink my calories unless I am having fun. Anyways I found this today. It only has 29 calories for 8 ounces which is low compared to anything else
I have found on base. It will be my once in awhile drink!

Oh and because of my refusal to let winter into my life any longer look what color I painted my nails...

Tonight my dinner was.....

Pizza was a Lean Cuisine & yummy.The crust was so soft.

"Accept the past for what it was. Acknowledge the present for what it is. Anticipate the future for what it can become."
-Tracy L. McNair

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Day 98

Day two of no soda and I am still alive! I have no headache either but I also noticed today that the Woman's One A Day that I am taking has caffeine in it. Maybe that is helping. Either way I am good! Tomorrow is weigh in and even though I am not thrilled I know where I went wrong and I have to accept that. Today I did the 30 Day Shred and I think next week I am going to go to level 2. Suck it up and just do it.

On another note why is it so hard to be healthy. Why is everything bad for you. Sometimes I think it would be easier to live on a farm and eat everything I raise. That way I know what is going in my body. We see fat free & sugar free food yet they are more harmful for us then the full fat. Where do we draw the line. When will it be enough that we take a step and let the industries know that we want healthy safe options. I mean it is 2010 and if you can come up with ways to make unsafe sweeteners and pack enough sodium in one entree that could be spread out over a week then you should be able to come up with something better. We are paying people that we trust to slowly make us sick. It really is sad when I think about it. Sorry just had to get that off my chest.

I am excited to see what this month will do for me. I think I will learn somethings I hope on what my body needs & thrives for. I am also going to start going to the gym next month.Fingers crossed. Got off the phone with a fellow Army wife that lives up the street & if they give her an OK on Feb. 2(she just had surgery) to go to the gym then we will be there. She is motivated and like me enjoys the gym over home exercise.

Things might start falling into place before I get a car & that would be great.I think the gym might give me that second wind I need. Then one day I can take a run with Marcelle instead of watching her and wishing. Hopefully the gym does classes to but neither one of us has used a gym on base so we have no clue what it is like.

My dinner last night....

"To be a champion, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will"
-Sugar Ray Robinson

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day 94 - 97

Sorry it has been awhile since I updated. Chris was leaving for a month and I wanted to spend time with him. We also had a lot to do before he left. Needless to say I really have to figure something out balance wise. I got up on Friday and exercised early knowing that we would be gone most of the day. I haven't exercised since unless you want to count the snow shoveling. Was I having fun instead.Nope. Do I wish I could redo this weekend.YES.

Why is it that I am so afraid to stand up for myself. Why can't I get the nerve to ask for the TV to exercise. It's not like playing video games or watching movies is that important. I am struggling with this journey this go around. Maybe it is to make me stronger. I can no longer run to the gym like I used to or exercise upstairs.

I fight a battle in my head everyday telling myself that I need to exercise. I never used to be like this and it bothers me. I used to love exercising. Now I dread it. I was left a comment to go on a walk. Bundle up and go. Well after walking to the bank yesterday and the market to get a few things I felt better and told myself get up tomorrow and go on a walk. Yesterday it was 2 degrees & the snow was melting. Today it is snowing and hard. I did shovel though so I was outside which seemed to help.

I drank my last soda last night. What a sad sad night. I am sure Chris is glad that he won't be around for the withdrawal I will face. I have tried to quit before. I know soda is bad yet I always come back. I tell myself Chris smokes & drinks so soda is nothing compared to that. What I should be worrying about is my body. The health of it and the 10 year old that depends on me.

So instead of mourning my loneliness of Chris going away. I am going to take this month for myself. There will be no more soda, no Popeyes, I will get my exercise in. There will be small, lite, healthy dinners and we will see what happens. I have a mini goal in mind for my birthday. A weight that I would love to see. Hopefully this month will help me get there!

I am stocked with my new from Aspartame!

Quick question: Any recipes out there for the use of pumpkin? I opened a can to make Chris's Bday cheesecake & I have a lot left over.

"If we are to achieve results never before accomplished, we must expect to employ methods never before attempted." -Francis Bacon

Friday, January 15, 2010

Day 93

Here is an update on my Perfect 10 for the week.

*Work out at least 6 days a week... I managed to hit the goal this week!!!

* Do 30 push ups a day & sit up's (yes they will be girly push ups)... I did these everyday but 2.

* Eat fruit & veggies everyday...I am getting this in no problem!

* Drink at least 48oz. of WATER a day... This is also become easy for me. I allow myself nothing else to drink until I have drank at least 48 oz

*Workout twice a day...Not sure what I was thinking when I said this. I hate doing my videos so why would I want to do them twice a day.Yup that only lasted twice this week.

*One thing that you don't know about me is that I suffer from claustrophobia/panic attacks. I have known to flip out at any time any place I feel closed in at. This has effected my husband in lots of ways. I won't get into full elevators or stand in the back, I have flipped out at football games. I have trouble in airplanes. The list goes on and on.

Today I went to stock up on food before Chris leaves. Well funny thing is most shelf's were empty & everything I wanted they were out of. Just my luck. I also had Popeye's for the last time for a month. Oh how I love that place. Pizza Hut just opened and let me tell you. I could live on there bread sticks. This is going to prove to be interesting.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Day 92- Weigh In

Today is weigh in day. I am not going to beat around the bush. I lost .7 of a pound. I am thrilled there is a negative in front of my weight from last week but I really need to figure out what I am doing that is making it come off so slow. Why I can't get a loss that is any higher.

Marcelle did bring up a very good point yesterday on the blog I wrote. That I have nothing else to do but worry about my weight. The more that I thought about it the more I decided that she is right. I read weight loss blogs all day, I look for low fat recipes and I work out. That is all that I do. Why? Well I am living in Germany were I can not get a job (because there are never any), we don't live on base so I have no friends, I have no way to base but what would I do there anyways, I am surrounded by people that I can understand and do not understand me or act like they don't. There is an 8 hour difference between my friends and I. This has proven to be interesting. Marcelle suggested that I take up a hobby. Any suggestions? The PX doesn't really carry much that one can pick up a hobby on and buying stuff from the economy isn't the smartest idea. We live on the economy but get paid with American dollars so the exchange rate kills us. Anyways any ideas would be great!!!

On another note I received an award from Lindsay, another priorfatgirl. I started to follow her when she was Lindsay, under construction. She is all about telling it the way it is and I suggest you take a look at her blog!

Here are the rules:
*List 10 things that make you happy*
*Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day*
* Make sure to link back to the person that tagged you*

10 Things That Make Me Happy

*Negative signs for my weigh in days
*Spending Sundays in my comfys with my hubby & daughter
*Gerber Daisy's~I had these at my wedding
*The sun and warmth ~ I become a new person in the summer
*My cousin Lacey~ She is always there for me anytime I need her
*Flip Flops~ I love them more then anything. I own way to many pairs of them
*Nail Polish~ I always have my toes and nails painted.
*Swimming~ I love the water! Maybe its because I am a pisces
*Purses~ I have to get a new one all the time & the colors drive my hubby nuts
*Girls Night Out~ I haven't had one since last July but I am hoping to go home this summer. I am in need of GNO!

The 10 that are I pick for this are

* Dawne @ 365 days to a New Me!
*Tricia @ Endurance Isn't Only Physical
* Cinder @ Wherever you go, go with all your heart
* Jack @ Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit
*Marcelle @ South African From Cape Town Now Living In Germany
*Diane @ Diane's Training & Weight Loss Journal
*Fran @ Fran wants to be a healthy girl!
*Kari @ Forever & a Day
*Lacey @ Don't Make Drugs
*Tiff @Project 365

One last note.....Don't you just hate it when your pants fall down well you are exercising!!!!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Day 91

I have an obsession, fixation, an addiction or whatever you want to call with the scale. Not a day goes by that I don't step on it. Even when I am on my period and I know that it will show a gain or when I am at Marcelle's house and I have no clue what I weigh anyways because it is in kilos. Either way I step on the scale. Sometimes more then once in a day.

This has it's pros and cons. One of the pros is I feel more in control of my journey. One of the cons is well what happened today. I got on the scale like I do everyday and it still hasn't moved from last Thursday. I told my cousin that 4 pd. loss was going to have more pressure on me then I wanted. I can't get the scale to move. I am working out, drinking my water, and I even felt like my food was better.

My issue with weight loss has always been and still is when I get discouraged I want to throw in the towel. I get in the I am threw. What am I doing that is so wrong? Why is that other people can lose weight but I am struggling. I even got so down today that I thought about stopping my blog.

I walked away from it for awhile and thought about it. Then realized that this is a journey. No one is going to go through this without a bad day or bad weigh in. We are human. Yes throwing in the towel would be so much easier but even though I wish I could have marvelous weigh ins and not battle with the scale everyday there is a reason that I am losing at the rate I am.

I have been looking at more videos today. I think I need to mix it up more. Give my body more variety. When I belonged to a gym my schedule was Mon. & Wed. morning where cardio & weights & the evening was water aerobics. Tues & Thur. morning was water aerobics that were different from the evening and Fri. morning was cardio and racquetball. That is what I miss. All the variety. I think I might need to mix in a few different videos. I found this great site that lets me watch short clips of them so I know what I am getting into.

I have to stay strong. I am so afraid right now I might just throw in the towel.

"Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters" -Nathaniel Emmons

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Day 90

Wow what a day. I am so tired it is hard keeping my eyes open to even write this. I did my 30 Day Shred video and a 2 mile power walk. I then went to shovel snow that has been driven on for the last couple of days. Have you ever had to shovel snow that has been driven on? If you have then you know that it sucks. I was so mad because my week doesn't start till next Monday. Oh well. It needed to be done and I considered it more exercise and calorie burning at that.

I have decided to make a change in dinner. I used to try and have dinner ready to go between 5-5:30. I thought if I ate it later it would turn to fat. Well with Chris's schedule or lack of we either eat without him or later. The last couple of nights we have eaten at 6. Which is perfect. It is not to late to effect Rachelle's bedtime, Chris is most of the time home or on the way and I am finding that I am not wanting to snack before bed which is perfect.

Working out in a fasted state has proven to be interesting. I am not feeling like I am giving it my all and I get dizzy. So since I have decided to workout twice a day to try and up my activity level I will one video first thing in the morning and then my other one after my breakfast. My breakfast only contains a banana,yogurt & some oats so I am hoping that this doesn't effect my loss.

You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be (David Viscott)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Day 89

Today was a little better. I did 2 workouts and outside of my comfort zone. My husband stayed in the room on his laptop(instead of moving to another room). I caught him watching me and telling me that they should do this or that different or that is not the right way to do it. I asked him a couple times if the way I was doing something looked right and all in all I think I was so worried about impressing him that I pushed myself more then I have in a long time. I am really feeling the workout. He said I did great & I feel good because he knows that I am really trying.

Well reading Steve's blog, this one in particular he mentioned habitforge . I decided to check it out. It reminds you for 21 days straight if you have done something. If you say no one day you start again. Since I am highly motivated by checking things off (I know I am odd) I decided to sign up and try it. What do I have to lose. I signed up for exercise and water intake. So far I have one dot for each. I know between my blogs, calendar and other sites I belong to this isn't necessary but with the way I am feeling I am attacking at all sides!

Last night I decided to Google more images of beaches and islands and came across this one

Yup it is my new screen saver. It has everything I need. The sand, ocean, blue skies and a body that I want! I think it is perfect. I don't see her face it is an image. It's what I want to do someday. To feel comfortable enough in a bikini to just lay out and soak up the warmth.

I put the last 12 pack of diet soda in the fridge. When I finish it I am done. Chris leaves me Tues. for a month so he won't be here to hear me complain of the headache I know I am going to get. It will be a good month of withdrawal where he won't be here to buy me any more. I won't be buying any at the market because the diet soda from Germany and the states taste different. Frankly I really don't like it or spending money on it. I know I can do this! I will get all Aspartame out of diet.

On another note I just finished read this book Firefly Lane.

The review for the book can be found on my other blog here. I know that this book has nothing to do with weight loss but it has such an important message for women. Something we need to be on the watch for. I don't want to say any more except that if you have time I would read this book.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Day 87 & 88

I am having some really tough times with depression lately. I think it is a mix of everything. I know that my husband leaves Monday for a month. I know that I didn't find a car in time so Rachelle and I are stuck. If she needs anything for school. Oh well I can't do anything about it and that bothers me. I have had to tell everyone not to mail anything because I can't check the mail. If its there past a week then it goes back to sender. It's the little things like that that are getting to me.

Yesterday I worked out.NOT. Rachelle had a friend spend the night and they took control of the TV Saturday until the girl got picked up. Then Chris got on and played X BOX. So me being as down as I am spent the entire day in bed. I got up and took a shower about 8 last night. I am going to have to make some ground rules. We are not used to sharing one TV so it has been interesting. Something has to give and buying another TV is not the answer. We already have more TV's then we need. Just none that work in Germany.

I talked to my cousin yesterday and it helped so much. Just talking to someone that doesn't judge you is so nice. I really felt better after getting of the phone with her. We usually just talk on MSN messenger but I am thinking I am going to have to bug her on the phone once a week. It might be the only way I make it through this journey right now.

She said I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The more that I read about it the more that I think she is right. I go through this every winter. I think that I am going to look into more. It makes sense and I can relate to all of it. I have to get it under control so that my husband doesn't hate me.

I really need to snap out of this. Whatever it is. I have goals for my weight loss and exercise and I am not doing as good as I know that I can. I deserve to give this my all. I am going to do more research & see what I can do. I have been taking vitamin D & it apparently is not working.

I worked out today. I really had to push myself to work out. I didn't do the 30 Day Shred like I wanted but I did do my Walk & Kick video. Which at this point is better then nothing, right?

The pictures of the beach & ocean make me smile. So I am changing my screen saver to a picture that will make me think of the warm sand between my toes, the sun shining down on me & hopefully since I turn on my computer first thing in the morning this will set a better mood!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Day 86 - Perfect 10

Today is the day I update on my Perfect 10 goals. I actually have made a calendar to keep track of everything I am doing. Such a nerd I know. It is all part of being more organized though.

* Work out at least 6 days a week... Well I started this on Tues. and skipped Thursday because I moved like an 80 year old but I am back on track today!

* Do 30 push ups a day & sit up's (yes they will be girly push ups)... No issue here. I am good to go except Thursday which I had planned on doing so I need to get these done earlier.

* Eat fruit & veggies everyday...I think I have more fruits and veggies now then ever in my life. I eat a banana with breakfast every morning and a salad with dinner!

* Drink at least 48oz. of WATER a day. In the winter I find it hard to drink enough water...This is hard for me because it is so cold out and I don't want to drink but I have hit the goal. I allow myself no other drink until I have drank all 48oz of water. So far so good!

*Workout twice a day. Since the videos are not pushing me enough I think that I need to do two different ones twice a day. This will be a good way to push me...I worked out twice a day on Tues, Wed. & today.

One fact that some of you may not know about me is I have never seen my father with two arms. Not even in pictures. I have no clue what it is like to have a father that little kids are scared of or stare at.

I am glad I took a brake yesterday from working out like Chris told me to. I felt like I was able to give my all today. My right leg still hurts but not as bad. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Day 85- Weigh In

Today is the first weigh in of the New Year. The day to see if I had done any more damage with the holidays. I only started working out on Tuesday and before breakfast. Tuesday was the first day I decided to put my plan of working out twice a day in play and Tuesday was the first day that I thought drinking 48oz of water a day was a good idea. Well I have done that for 2 days in a row it is hard. When I am cold I am not thirsty. Enough about that though I am sure you are dying to know what the scale said right?? I am pretty sure this cute little penguin says it all.

I lost 4.2 pounds. Yup I got on the scale and off twice. It said the same number and I decided not to press my luck so I am taking it. I mean if you get that number twice it has to be right, right? That means that I have lost a total of 20.1 pounds and I have 33.9 to go.

I was looking back at what I weighed in at my highest weight ever. How the hell I ever got that high or the fact that not one person asked me what my problem was amazes me. I wish someone would of said something sooner but I did this myself and there is no one to blame but me. It's not like I never saw my reflection in some mirror somewhere. I really don't think it is impossible not to know what you are doing to yourself. Anyways I have lost 32.1 pounds total. It amazes me that my husband found me sexy then and sexy now. Hello I am 32 pounds lighter.

Marcelle asked me if I had any pictures of me at my highest and honestly I have avoided the camera at cost. As much as I wanted to be in the picture, have the memories I knew I was better off taking the picture. I wanted no proof of any kind that I had let myself go. Well I dug deep and found these on my computer. Both have to do with Chris and is probably the only reason I was talked into such nonsense.

This one was in Feb. 2008 so I know it was my highest weight ever because I joined Weight Watchers the next month.

This one is Dec. 2007. The day my husband came home after a 15 month deployment. The reason my eyes where so red. A lot of crying well waiting for the speech to end so I could hug my hubby.

Now this one was before I got pregnant. I weighed in during the 2 to 3 month of pregnancy at 120 so I figure that's what I weighed in this picture. I would love to weigh that again.

After messing with the BMI calculators though 120 is considered under weight. I think the lowest that I can go and still be healthy is 130.Not sure what my husband would say about that one. We will have to see.