Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mind Games

I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged. Life is busy working full time & with hubby being in the military it seems like all other chores in & out of the house fall on me. I can never depend on him for much it seems.

Looking back I also realized that there wasn't much I had to say that was worth reading. I am at a number on the scale truthfully that I never thought I would see again. I have maintained keeping the weight off & that has had me happy. So why do I need to keep blogging?

Well I think it hit today when I was doing Zumba & almost in tears. I don't even want to go to class anymore. I feel like I have no friends around me that understand. My best friend weighs 115. I weigh....a lot more then that. She still thinks she is fat. Yet I say anything about me weight I am jumped on. REALLY? I would give anything to weigh in the 140's.

I would like to lose at least another 20 pounds & go from there.

No one tells you the mind games that you will play with yourselves during this journey. How the skin will hang, nothing will fit right, how you can spend an entire class at the gym playing with your clothes. I HATE IT. I just want to cry.

I see this everyday...

Even though I look like this...

I have an appt. Aug. 1st with Behavioral Health. I need to talk to someone that isn't going to tell me how far I have come & how beautiful I am. Those are not the demons I am playing with right. How I felt when I weight 60 pounds heavier is how I feel now.