Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mind Games

I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged. Life is busy working full time & with hubby being in the military it seems like all other chores in & out of the house fall on me. I can never depend on him for much it seems.

Looking back I also realized that there wasn't much I had to say that was worth reading. I am at a number on the scale truthfully that I never thought I would see again. I have maintained keeping the weight off & that has had me happy. So why do I need to keep blogging?

Well I think it hit today when I was doing Zumba & almost in tears. I don't even want to go to class anymore. I feel like I have no friends around me that understand. My best friend weighs 115. I weigh....a lot more then that. She still thinks she is fat. Yet I say anything about me weight I am jumped on. REALLY? I would give anything to weigh in the 140's.

I would like to lose at least another 20 pounds & go from there.

No one tells you the mind games that you will play with yourselves during this journey. How the skin will hang, nothing will fit right, how you can spend an entire class at the gym playing with your clothes. I HATE IT. I just want to cry.

I see this everyday...



Even though I look like this...



I have an appt. Aug. 1st with Behavioral Health. I need to talk to someone that isn't going to tell me how far I have come & how beautiful I am. Those are not the demons I am playing with right. How I felt when I weight 60 pounds heavier is how I feel now.





6 comments:

Marcelle said...

I'm coming to you soon and we can chat. I hate the skinny malinkies who say they are fat and you are bigger than them as well..
I am satisfied with my weight, my body, all I want is to tone and remain cardio fit...
So there will be NO pressure from me while I stay with you.
YOU LOOK AMAZING, i cant wait to see you again as I know i'm in for a surprise...just look at you on that photo...hot and so young!!!!

Fran said...

I can't believe how good you look right now Sarah, really amazing. You've come such a long way. But I can understand your frustration, self-acceptance is difficult and I'm glad you searched for help with that.

It's good to hear from you again and you don't have to blog about weight loss you know, I wouldn't want you to stop blogging.

dawne said...

I am so thrilled that you wrote Sarah. I am glad that you are seeking professional help to discuss these issues you are facing. Very wise.

coffeewithsabrina.com said...

I really can't believe it's been so long! But pleased to see you are still hanging in there.

Sometimes the professionals are our best friends. You'll be stronger because of this. **hugs**

Remember, you are beautiful!

Maria said...

I think it's wonderful how much you've lost!! I wish I had the willpower and motivation you've had.

Blog about anything you want!! That is how I started following you in the first place!

Hang in there!

blackhuff said...

I've done a post last week: http://blackhuff.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/

This is where I also say, I feel like you.