Hit Rock Bottom

Thank you for the comments on my last post. I really was not sure who would read since I have been MIA for awhile but it is nice to know some of you still care!

I am not sure what slump I am in but it is getting worse. The sad past is my friend needs me now more then anything & I am in a slump. Her husband is getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan. They have been married 10 years & somehow he has never had to go. I think this might be harder on her just for that reason alone. She needs an upbeat friend to make her not worry & I am in a slump. I just want to have my pity party & cry. I truly have no clue where this is coming from & my husband has even noticed a difference in my mood.

Maybe it is becasue I am 3.6 pounds away from my goal I had set for myself & now that I am close I feel like I need to lose 20 plus more pounds. On the BMI chart that will put me on the low side of healthy. It is all just becoming to much for me right now. Until my stomach goes away I truly feel this is going to be a never ending mind game. I can't even break a smile when someone tells me that I have lost weight or look so good. In my mind I am still seeing fat...

I am going to leave you with some pictures from Tunisia. We went there for a week & Italy and I managed not to gain a pound! That did make me smile!!






These pictures are all from Tunisia. I have not even gotten close to the Italy ones yet!! Hope everyone has a great weekend!! It is a Holiday weekend for us so the men all have a 4 day! We are throwing a game night which might be the last for our friend before he leaves. Hoping for many laughs tonight!!

Mind Games

I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged. Life is busy working full time & with hubby being in the military it seems like all other chores in & out of the house fall on me. I can never depend on him for much it seems.

Looking back I also realized that there wasn't much I had to say that was worth reading. I am at a number on the scale truthfully that I never thought I would see again. I have maintained keeping the weight off & that has had me happy. So why do I need to keep blogging?

Well I think it hit today when I was doing Zumba & almost in tears. I don't even want to go to class anymore. I feel like I have no friends around me that understand. My best friend weighs 115. I weigh....a lot more then that. She still thinks she is fat. Yet I say anything about me weight I am jumped on. REALLY? I would give anything to weigh in the 140's.

I would like to lose at least another 20 pounds & go from there.

No one tells you the mind games that you will play with yourselves during this journey. How the skin will hang, nothing will fit right, how you can spend an entire class at the gym playing with your clothes. I HATE IT. I just want to cry.

I see this everyday...



Even though I look like this...



I have an appt. Aug. 1st with Behavioral Health. I need to talk to someone that isn't going to tell me how far I have come & how beautiful I am. Those are not the demons I am playing with right. How I felt when I weight 60 pounds heavier is how I feel now.

Stress & Zumba in the driveway!

The stress I am having really has nothing to do with weight loss but it sure is causing some. That or it is my salads that I am eating everyday. I am down another 1.3 pounds from yesterday. I am only 1.4 pounds away from my first goal weight that I thought would make me happy. Clearly I have added that I need to lose at least another 10-15 pounds.

I was able to pick up my new car yesterday! I love it! Never ever did I think I would be able to own a brand new car this early on in my life. My husband sure does spoil me!

Like the pink flower effect??lol

Now as excited as I am about this with the government threatening to shut down I am nervous. My husbands paycheck and mine both come from the government. It's after 4pm here in Germany and well when the Commissary (where we buy our food) closes at 8pm if the government shuts down then they will not be open tomorrow. Yes we can buy food on the economy but it is more expensive for us and the fact that our paycheck will only be for one week & not two weeks does not help. Fingers crossed they get this taken care of by midnight tonight. Last thing we want to do is have to go to work for free. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Mine will be great once I find out if I will be getting a paycheck or not. Either way I will be doing some Zumba this weekend even if it has to be in the front yard in the drive way like last weekend!

Weigh In &Promised Pictures

I am home sick with a cold. Just my luck. My nose won't stop running, my throat hurts & if I could sleep more then 2 hours at a time life would be grand. Nothing like being stuck at home on a beautiful sunny warm day in Germany.

I have so much to say I am not sure where to start. I go to the doctor next week to find out more about what physical therapy I will need for my right foot. Also well I was at the doctor I talked to them about the lose skin on my stomach. Pretty much exercise will not stretch the skin back to place. The only thing I can do is surgery. That in a way has taken away some motivation if you know what I mean. Why keep pushing if I will not get the results I want. Sometimes I feel like my stomach bothers me more then I remember when I was 60 pounds heavier. Oh the joys of being overweight then attempting to lose it.




I weighed in this morning and I am down 2.9 pounds from last week. This is exciting. My friend Marcelle is doing the 17 Day Diet & asked if I wanted to join. I was on board and then fell off by about 5pm. Problem was I was starving. Unfortunately in my job I can not snack. I know some people think I might be padding that a bit but I was talking with the other Kinder Aids & none of them have time to hardly take a drink. Kindergarten is nonstop hands on with the kids. Also with them all being military they are very clingy and attempting to use the bathroom any time past my lunch break proves to be a no go. Either way I have taken bits and pieces from the book & clearly it is working!

Here are the pictures that I promised. Took me awhile to talk myself into posting them. Also a picture of about a years difference. I don't see much of a change but I do notice my butt has gotten smaller!!



As you can see I had to get bottoms that went way up and you can see why my stomach is bothering me.



The legs I mean really as much as I am on them and what not this is driving me nuts. I want them to shrink and now!



On a last note I wanted to share a new purse & wallet I bought. New happy colors! This is the one I was talking about on facebook Marcelle!



Also for my birthday my husband got me a a necklace from The Pretty Peacock.

It is the coordinates of the first place we met. You give them the address and they do the rest. I love it & wear it all the time.

Well sorry for the all over the place blog. Guess if I blogged more this would not happen.

PS. I get to pick up my new car today!!! 2011 Chrysler 200!!

Time To Get Off My Butt

I have been MIA for too long, I have been in maintenance for too long, I have been blah for too long.

I keep saying I am going to share news with you then I get busy and forget to get back here, my exercise is slipping and the summer is coming. I need to snap out of this rut that I am in before vacation hits and I am kicking myself in the butt for letting time slip away.

The news I wanted to share is that we are going to California for two weeks with 2 other family's for a vacation that will be pretty much to die for. Our friends will be married 10 years in May and he is getting ready to deploy so we are off to Cali in June to renew the vows before he leaves. It is going to be wonderful.

What won't be is my weight if I don't get it down or at least tone up.

I am tired of wearing a skirtini. I want to wear a bikini. A skirtini is a pain when you are trying to swim or playing with children.




So here is my plan. Be sure to brace yourselves because this is me showing more then I ever thought I would. I am going to take a photo of myself in the bikini I just bought and post it on here. I am hoping that showing you guys will make me push myself. I am going to work on my plan tomorrow since I am taking a half day & Friday is the day to kick butt for the next two months. I will be breaking the months up so that I am not overwhelmed.

My goal is to be down 5-10 pounds but at least 5 pounds. Lots of toning also. Picture will be posted no later then Saturday as I need to paint toes and such. Get out of this winter weather and such.

I will be doing Zumba, C25K & somehow adding the kettlebell if I can find something I like to do it with.

Fingers crossed these 2 months show me a change!

Really Fast

This week has been non stop and it is only Tuesday night. In part because here in Germany you have to run your car through inspection once a year. Mostly what happens is they look at it when your license plates get ready to expire and you either pass or have to fix things they find wrong. Well being American & having the Germans inspect our cars they pretty much fail 99% of us for anything little thing they can find. Then we have to go out on their economy and have them fix it. So to cut to the chase my car is going in the shop Wed. after work so I have been running errands non stop.

I am 8 days late for my TOM yet I have all the symptoms. The scale is showing a gain. I am stressed. Now I need physical therapy for my right foot. My walking partner's husband is going to be gone for 6 weeks so there goes my nightly walk. Now I will have to depend on myself.

Pretty much life is a roller coaster and mine seems to be on the track going down..... Hopefully soon it will start climbing back up towards the sun! Hopefully in the next couple days I will have time to sit and blog. Sure do miss it.

I need more hours in my day

I have been so busy it is past annoying. Just once this week I would love to come home after work but I have had & will have stuff to do every single day after. Living in Germany where nothing is opened on Sunday drives me nuts. In the states it never mattered when you wanted to get something done they where open. Here on post because Germans have to be employed they close early or whenever. Drives me insane. I pretty much work the same hours as most things on post which means praying I get there before they close.

My eating is all over the place. My job has me beyond stressed being in a situation I feel I should of never been placed in. I need to get a hold of myself and realize that food is not my answer. Food will not make my situation any better and in fact when I am doing eating whatever it is that I chose to eat I know I will be upset with myself for doing it.


I have exciting news that I hope to post soon but I feel like I need to be more prepared then I am when writing the post. I need a game plan first. Something to make me accountable.

I am going to work on my calories and food plan now. I need to get this under control asap.