I took yesterday off from work because of my cold but went to work today. Well the pills that the doctor has given me has me a bit dizzy. Once I get moving around or talking a lot then I start coughing up a storm again. I have decided to take the weekend off exercising and I will start again on Monday with Zumba. Lets see if I can make it more then one day exercising next week!
Yesterday I was looking at my BMI and virtual images of what I looked and will look like I looked up my highest weight. From the highest weight I have ever been I am down 47 pounds. I am pretty sure that I am the lowest I have ever been since I have been with Chris. The one thing I don't get is any compliments. Sometimes I wonder if he even notices. Sometimes I think he doesn't want me to weigh less. No one really pays attention to the fat girl. I have just noticed a change in the way he acts when we go out. Since we met I always said I was going to lose weight and this is the first time I ever have lost enough to notice.
I also realize that as the weight comes off I have nothing to hide behind. I have always felt "safe" when I was bigger. Things have happened to me more then once when I was 120 pds. I felt like as long as I was bigger though I was safe. I don't want to look at myself, why would anyone else. I ended up learning that size, fat and lack of self confidence does not stop anyone.
I haven't had these feelings come back up until recently. I feel like the more weight I lose the more strength I will lose. It scares me and I think that is why I haven't been pushing myself to weigh less and why I am alright with maintaining right now. I am in the smallest size that I have been in, in over 10 years. I do want to hit my goal weight but I am scared. I am scared about what might happen to me. I have been looking at my weight and I want to lose 30 more pounds but what would 30 more pounds do to me?
Some how I have to get over this hurdle to get the scale moving. I can't be stuck at this weight. I am still considered overweight. Somehow I have to get past this mental block though. This is nothing I have brought up with my husband. Not sure if I should or not....